Divorce at Thanksgiving: Why it is okay if you have the blues

It is healthy to cultivate an “attitude of gratitude” whenever possible and appropriate. However, Thanksgiving often makes people feel pressured to feel gratitude at times when they are genuinely struggling. If you are currently contemplating divorce, are in the middle of the divorce process or have recently finalized a divorce, you may be feeling far more blue than grateful this Thanksgiving. It is okay to feel this way.

Certainly, most of us have much to be grateful for, even if the only things we can name off the top of our heads are things like access to hot, running water and a warm coat to keep out the cold. But simply because we may have things to be grateful for does not mean that we will automatically feel happy, fulfilled and grateful at all times.

Divorce may be necessary in many families, but its necessity does not make it a joyful transition. Divorce is most often physically, emotionally and financially taxing. If you are grieving the loss of your marriage, are struggling to transition into single life or are missing the tradition of having your whole family together at the holidays, these are quite normal emotions.

This Thanksgiving, give yourself permission to feel very reasonable emotions about your divorce. If these emotions become overwhelming, consider seeking some additional support like a counselor or an online community. Do not allow the pressures of tomorrow’s message of thanks compel you to put on a happy face if you simply do not have that within yourself to give. You may feel better next year, but for now it may serve you best to simply feel your feelings and to deal with them in the healthiest and most genuine ways possible.

Source: Huffington Post, “It’s OK to Feel Bad About Being Divorced at Thanksgiving or About Thanksgiving While Getting Divorced,” Magda Pecsenye, Nov. 24, 2013