Life After Your NJ Divorce

Divorce does not have to be a disaster from which you will never recover.

The end of a relationship is always a difficult time. No matter who ended it or when the future can look bleak and frightening. But life continues, and many people go on to have a happy and fulfilling existence after divorce.

There are many things you will need to focus on during this difficult time and at times it may feel overwhelming. You need to focus on yourself, deciding what you need to do to best help let go of the past and look forward to the future

Like most people, you are likely to experience a rollercoaster of emotions. Some days you may feel hopeful and maybe even relieved if your marriage had been difficult for a long time. On other days you may feel sad, angry, confused, and anxious. Some people going through a divorce choose to seek help from a therapist.

Grief is an Important Key To Moving On

As with any loss, it is important to mourn the loss of the relationship.  No one gets married with the idea of divorce as soon as things get rocky.  There was a reason for your union and there is one for your separation.  It can sometimes be more helpful to focus on what the relationship was lacking and how the relationship failed to meet your or your partner’s needs, rather than blaming yourselves as individuals. Though the answers may be upsetting, the greater the understanding, the easier it will be to let go of the past and move on.

Grieving is not easy, but it is important to let yourself go through it. Suppressing your grief can make it last longer and could make you feel worse in the long run. Go easy on yourself during this time. Do not beat yourself up if you still experience sadness when you think you should be over it by now. Your feelings just want to be felt. Let them come like waves, recognize them, feel them, and then let them go. Eventually, the tide will recede, and each wave will be more and more tolerable.

Accepting Change and Letting Go Make a Better Beginning

Each person has their outlook on change. Some people handle change very well, accepting the changes and moving forward as best they can. Other people are resistant to change and their mental and emotional state in the face of such a massive change as a divorce can be less stable than desired.  If you are resistant to change, the adjustments made to your life and relationship can be overwhelmingly difficult. However, once you achieve acceptance the rest of the process is usually much easier.

Some people are just unwilling to let go of the life they had with their spouse, and for those individuals, they may never truly get over a divorce. Some who never wanted divorce may miss their lost love for the rest of their lives. If you find that you don’t feel like you can or want to let go of your marriage, it can help to talk to a therapist about your feelings and thoughts so that you can get some insight into how and why you should take these steps forward.

Cooperation and Communication Can Make Things Easier

When you are going through a divorce, you will often have feelings of sadness, anger, resentment, and other emotions that are running high on both sides. This can make the process of divorce very difficult.  It is important to keep the lines of communication open. If you are not able to communicate effectively with your ex on your own, you can enlist the aid of a mediator to help you divide your assets, arrange custody and visitation schedules, and other aspects of ending the relationship. The more cordially you can handle these matters with your spouse, the easier it will be to get over the divorce when all is said and done.  It is a waste of time and energy to try to “get back” at the other person by arguing every detail or being downright belligerent for the sake of revenge.

Focus on Yourself for A Change, You are Worth It!

If you’ve divorced after being married for a long time, you may feel like you’ve lost your sense of self. Being on your own can be a huge shock to the system after years or decades of being part of a couple. If you are used to spending every waking hour with someone else, you might forget how to be alone and that can be scary. You might find that a lot of your time is spent thinking about the mere fact that your ex is not there with you.

When you find it hard to be alone, whether you’re attending a social event on your own or simply getting ready for bed, remind yourself that being in a relationship doesn’t define you. You are whole with or without your ex. It is always hard to get into a new routine no matter what the circumstances behind it are, and it is normal to feel scared, confused, or listless in these situations.  Consider joining a book club or a walking/running group.  Try volunteering at a local shelter or kitchen for the homeless.  Visit convalescent homes and read to senior citizens whose sight is not what it used to be.  Focusing on others is a great way to heal and move on.

Do You Need Help?

If you are considering separation or divorce, or you simply want to learn more about your legal options, contact our Passaic County, The Montanari Law Group New Jersey divorce and family lawyers today for a cost-free consultation. One of our skilled attorneys will be happy to answer your questions and educate you about all of the avenues available to you. Simply call (973) 233-4396 or contact us online.